We know that families praying about adoption have many questions. You are not alone! We would love to hear your question and feature it on Adoption Strong blog's Question of the Week Friday. Simply go to our Ask a Question page and submit your question to us and some of our team of contributors will respond.
And now for today's question:
Will I love a child I did not birth as much as the child I birth?
From Kodi: I’m sure many moms may shy away from answering this question that might differ from the expected answer of “yes”.
For my journey, I’ll say that I could not love my biological child any more than I possibly already do. When we adopted, we knew we would love the child God put on our hearts to bring home, in exactly the same way we already love our son. But it’s not exactly the same.
What I didn’t anticipate, was feeling like I had a surge of what felt like "extra love” for the child we did not biologically bring into the world by ourselves. That extra love was really an overflowing abundance of APPRECIATION.
I’m not sure I love my child we adopted more than I love my biological child, but I will say my mommy feeling are NO different at all. But some days I feel an extra level of appreciation for the child God blessed us with that wasn’t born into our family. We are SO thankful, SO grateful to have this precious child join our family. I don’t think we knew how much we NEEDED her until she was ours.
From Jeanne: I know when you walk with God on the journey of adoption there are truly no worries. To the human eye there are many but to God there are none. It is his heart and if He calls you to it He will bring you through it. God provided in all ways for us from financially to emotionally. I will say every story is different. I share from a place of honesty here because I hope it encourages a few women out there who may connect with this…. I was really hard on myself at first because I had created this love story in my mind that the adoption ‘gotcha day’ would be instant fireworks and this amazing thing would unfold for everyone right away. I couldn’t have been more wrong. The process of falling in love was one that would be a process for all of us. A true love story that would unfold slowly rather than instantly.
Yes, we have biological children. But my birth stories are also different from each other. My oldest son, being my first born, brought many nerves because being a first time mother. My connection even there of falling madly and deeply in love was not instant. But I can tell you that simply delay means nothing, I love my son more than anything in the world and my heart beats because of him! My daughter was instant firework show of connection, I can’t really explain it but there was a bond right away. If I held her she stopped crying. I had no nerves and everything fell quickly into place from breast feeding to sleeping and oh my gosh how I love her the same amount as my oldest son, no different. Isaiah, my joyful sweet boy, how I love him. It has been a couple months and I am getting to know every little habit and characteristic of his life. I know I will fall more and more in love there too. I love him. My three children are my world. I think when we think there is a one size fits all, we impose our own plans instead of God’s. Every love story is different and they all come together beautifully. With God as the author every detail will fall into place. I will continue to fall more in love with my husband and kids daily with each season of life. 2 Cor 5:7 is one of my favorites….walk by FAITH not by sight (or emotions) and trust He is at the helm.
From Tyler: I'm a mother to two babies who were adopted at birth. I don't have any biological children, so I can't answer the question completely, but I can tell you how much I love my children! I can't imagine loving Isabel & Noah any more than I do!
When I look at my daughter & son, I just see my beautiful children, not my adopted children. When they were both born, I immediately felt deep love for them. Bonding & getting to know one another took a little bit of time, but the love was there instantly. Even though we celebrate adoption & our children's unique journeys openly in our home, at the end of the day, our babies are our babies! Our love for them is not limited or less than because of the way they came into our family.
We believe God intended them for us & they are as much our children as any biological children would ever be. We are thankful every day for our sweet babies & love them deeply! Hope this helps answer the question to some extent!
“However motherhood comes to you, it’s a miracle.” Valerie Harper