From Jeanne: The moments I experience true miracles I get so overtaken with the emotions and reminded, God is faithful and Isaiah was chosen by Him for Him and we are just blessed to be his family…forever family. Despite how Isaiah’s circumstances started off in the beginning years, God’s sovereign and loving and saw this precious boy in China in an orphanage and placed His hand of favor over him thousands of miles away and slowly placed him on our hearts and home. The divine connection in that two-year process, lives forever changed and daily we are impacted in this journey that is hard, fun, adventurous, emotional and rewarding. But it has been the continuous provision and favor along the way has left Ryan and I speechless many times and has increased our faith ten times over. I know without a doubt that God has large plans for Isaiah; I can only wait to see.
Isaiah has extreme anxiety with doctors’ offices or hospitals. Any of them will make him nervous from the minute he steps into them. He slowly gets quiet, gets nervous, and begins to cling to me. Even candy won’t help. He becomes withdrawn. The walls go up. Then comes the nurse or the doctor walking in, the tears begin to flow. The fear is overwhelming to him and the lack of trust over takes him every time. I on a normal day can handle these type of things and started off pretty strong, but after so many visits, I began to realize the anxiety was taking its toll on me. My heart aches and has extreme compassion now for parents who go through anything that requires on going hospital stays and visits. From what I have experienced in a short time I have become fearful of having to take him to the doctor for anything. I dread it.
Although Isaiah’s blood test were done in China and all okay, our pediatrician called for another test to confirm them. We attempted to do this at the lab at the pediatrician’s office one day but after him hyperventilating and throwing up because of being so upset it wasn’t accomplished and a redo was underway. To be honest, I had put it off for fear of upsetting him again. Then my doctor finally said we had to schedule it. We decided to go to Woman’s hospital lab so he wouldn’t associate the pediatrician’s office with the emotional trauma/fear he has since the last attempt was so rough for him. I know one might ask, how much does a child really know at 2 years old or even as a baby, but trust me, a child who has endured what he has by hospital visits, not having a family to go through it with or the security, can establish a wound. He has learned to become resilient and at the same time skeptical of hospital people. His sensual memories remind him of fear and pain in those places. I have seen it enough times to know sometimes we just cannot comprehend it, because we have never walked in those shoes.
So I started off this morning by labeling today’s experience as it would be how it has always been for Isaiah, emotional. Ryan and I woke up for routine morning coffee before the kids and we prayed Deuteronomy 31:8, one of my favorite verses when anticipation is underway. Praying the promise that God would go before us and prepare the way with favor and remove the fear. I prayed it but did I believe it? If I am honest, my heart really didn’t. It would have to take a miracle right? 20 times of crying why would 21 be different? Unfortunately, my expectations were low.
Now this time I invited Caden to come along. He said he wanted to be a helper. He packed a bag of Isaiah’s favorite things to bring with us…marshmallows, Ipad movie, cookies, suckers, and applesauce. Sweetest. I loved the opportunity to teach him to be compassionate in caring for Isaiah. Knowing that him being there would ease his fears some too! So I showed Caden a video of a little boy bravely getting blood drawn so he would know what to expect and explained to him that Isaiah gets really upset and cries. And off we went. Prayers went up! Please Lord, protect his little heart and make our experience easier this time because He is only 2, I prayed. We pulled in to the parking lot. I was ready for the nervousness to begin…we hopped out. Caden wheeled his Superman suitcase full of toys, Isaiah marched like we were going to a toy store, and we walked in. There we were in a hospital. Isaiah got quiet. So my heart started to sink a little. We checked in and thankfully Caden was laughing and playing so that eased everything a bit, and distracted Isaiah. Then came the wristband part, this is always a sure sign to get him angry, normally he will slap it away…but instead out came his wrist willingly! Eager to put it on! He told the lady “thank you!” Wow. I was surprised at this point. Ok ok you have my attention! But the true test lie ahead. Next we walked to the waiting room and then Isaiah's name was called. We all walked into the patient room. Normally the combo of the nurses outfits and the room will result in the beginning of the tears…but there weren’t any tears. None.…I wasn’t sure what was going on…but trucking ahead Caden and I pulled out the iPad, got a cartoon on, and I explained to the nurses despite the food and drink rule we have a suitcase full of snacks because Isaiah’s situation is a little different than most. They were kind and understanding and let us carry on. Caden put on Diego and began feeding Isaiah marshmallows and cookies. Isaiah sat on my lap. They began to hold his arm down; placing the band on it to find the vein and I felt he was about to breakdown I was waiting for it…but no not a single tear. Then the needle came out and the process of filling 5 valves of blood…..prick….minutes….still no tears. He smiled at them and was proud to show them his sucker Caden gave him, then continued to watch cartoons. One, two, three, four….almost done – felt like forever. Once they were done and pulled the needle out and Isaiah smiled again and said ‘ALL DONE’! Not ONE single tear. Seriously, it was a true miracle. Not one ounce of fear expressed in the entire process. I was trying to keep it together. My eyes were tearing up. I was humbled. I was ashamed I doubted. I was grateful that God is so loving He uses examples like this to prepare us for the larger things ahead.
It was a miracle not only that there wasn’t a tear, but that he did that with a smile and ZERO FEAR. I doubted God was able; I labeled my situation before it even happened….and then I realized after today…GOD IS ABLE. I will no longer let the experiences of the past determine the ones of the future. I will begin to speak life and positivity. Knowing that life is full of tests and trials, everything may not be perfect but everything will be OKAY BECAUSE HE CAN, HE WILL, AND EVERY DAY HE BLESSES US MIRACLES! I will believe. Little Isaiah has great and mighty plans upon his life. I document this story as one more to add to the LIST of them that I have, to reassure Him that our heavenly Father loves him, adores him, has favor over him, and has great plans for him. Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
I encourage anyone who may be feeling hopeless or doubtful based on how it looks and feels….to believe GOD CAN AND HE IS ABLE TO DO ALL THINGS….
Deuteronomy 31:8 – Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you.
And the icing on the cake, I could not find my wallet today when I was at the hospital. I was starting to panic bc of all that is in it…prayed hard because I knew the anxiety it could impose with the cards and fraud issues…so at lunch today went back to my last stop WALMART…ehhh…walked to customer service and asked by chance if a wallet got turned in…and sure enough she came out with it!!! SO THANKFUL for the favor of the honest person who came across it in the parking lot and turned it in!
“However motherhood comes to you, it’s a miracle.” Valerie Harper